Grandma’s Pace
My paternal grandmother was a 1950’s lady through and through. She wore channel, Yves saint Laurent, Givenchy and when sitting down, she always placed her patented handbag on her lap, with her beautiful hands holding the straps. She even died in the hospital smelling of L’Air du Temps with Revlon manicured nails.
My stepfamily made a mockery of her. Because of course everyone thinks their own lifestyle is the only sane way to be – no matter how insane it might be. They made fun of grandma for being calculating before spending, of her elaborate advice, for her style, and for any other reason they could pick from the air.
Little did they know that grandma lived intentionally.
She premeditated any advice, any outfit, any spending. She loved intensely and the manner she chose to show the love was purposeful. She would praise without hesitance when the good version of anyone was on display and counselled kindly when negativity was a hindrance. She did everything at a slightly slower pace. Not only did this make her come across as more elegant, but it also made her every act precise.
Even as a toddler I was mesmerized by how her manicured hands moved; so graceful, like a deliberate dance in the air. Everything she did was unhurried and resolute. She wrote journals consistently. I knew who in her life she had issues with. Some issues were serious stuff. But a few years after her death, I sat and read all her journals. Never, even once did she write anything negative about any of these enemies. Whenever there was a mention of them, it was respectful, gracious, and factual. This told me that even in her inner most private thoughts she was scrupulous and aware of the effect.
Now in my fifties, I try to be more like grandma. Of course, I can never carry her exact style. Which reminds me…
When I was little, I used to rub my face on her mink coat because it was so soft. I asked her to give this coat to me when I grew up. She responded: “Of course, if you end up becoming a mink-wearing person, you can have it. If you became a non-mink-wearing person, I would give you a suitable coat”.
This to me, now, is so profound. When clients ask me to help them find a partner with certain specifics, or to manage to have a car or a job with certain aspects, I work with them to find out if they are the person to fit/suit/match with what they request. To ascertain whether this wish is something other people have influenced them to have, or if it is an innate desire. What would they need to change to become the person who lives with such an income, or who would be attractive to their ideal man.
So, I try to be more like grandma. In pace, in grace, in deliberation. But I found that it will take a long time to get even close to how she lived.
She thought fast and effectively and lived slowly. She would spend 200 Franks to buy me a skin treatment without hesitation. But would hesitate and leave it to sleep on when buying a 4 Franks tea towel on sale. She spent slowly, rationally and with purpose. She ate slowly, she investigated every mouthful with delicious anticipation, and when she was chewing her food, whoever was around would want to eat what she was eating. She held the pen as if it was a sacred amulet and wrote gracefully, such beautiful handwriting – and such a flowing read.
I am on my way…but it takes a long time to train the mind to be fast and efficient, and to move, act, speak and write in a deliberate, slower pace.
I admire her.